The medal is more than a token that is placed around an athlete's neck at the finish line. I can't really say I value the hardware that hangs on a little ribbon. The value is in the lessons learned, discovering truths about myself, and the sacrifices made. It's the hours, weeks, months, blood, sweat, and tears that it took to take on 140.6 miles.
"Athlete" is the last word that would be used to describe me when I was in high school. I wasn't busting my butt at practice before and after school. I wasn't on the playing field. I was behind the camera filming basketball games. I even spent a couple of years in the dugout keeping a pitching chart. I was the girl bitching and complaining in PE as I walked most of the mile we had to complete each year. Man, I wish I could go back and do it differently, but then again, maybe that's part of what made my journey so special.
Triathlon is grueling sport, but it can also be spiritual. During my first year of racing I would write the same initials on my ankle to honor little boy who never experienced life. Even though we never met, racing makes me feel close to him. I remember struggling though my first Olympic distance race. I knew that if I couldn't finish it for myself, that I could finish it for him...and I did. While I don't race with his initials on my ankle anymore, I still think of him every time I toe the starting line. I find myself not only think of him, but of others loved ones who are no longer with me. In particular, I think about my dad's dad...Paw Paw Manuel. I know when I race that he is looking down from heaven watching with pride. My aunt, his daughter, said she wished he could see me. I told her that he does. I feel him most when I'm running. I see him in his John Deere work shirt clapping and smiling. He never misses a race. He has been with me every single time.
This whole experience has taught me more than I ever would have dreamed. The path that eventually led me to Ironman isn't the path I expected my life to take. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to change my path. When I began this sport it was a fun way to work off stress. It was an escape from the things that were weighing on me. As I got further into my Ironman training I realized that I can't hide from my problems. The long rides and long runs forced me to think about a lot of things in my life. Often those long training sessions gave me clarity and helped me to discover a lot about myself. It helped me to figure out the things I needed to keep doing as well as the changes that I needed to make. Of course, Jeneen and I often solved many of the world's problems on our long rides that we did together. Sometimes to answers to life's problems seemed so easy for us to figure out. We even found ways to solve everyone else's problems. Perhaps we should have shared our insight with those people! Through it all I learned to love this path that I'm on. I'm exactly in the place in my life that I'm supposed to be right now. The people and events that led me here were for a reason, as were the lessons the Ironman taught me. I've learned that I'm stronger, both mentally and physically, than I thought. Looking forward I know there will still be challenges to face, but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to tackle them with a more positive mind set because I know that there is nothing I can't overcome. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but perhaps things won't seem so impossible. It's okay to be uncomfortable. It's okay if it hurts. I know that if I dig my heels in and keep moving forward I will get through it. I don't think this sport is done with me. There are still limits to test, more goals to achieve, and lessons to learn.
"I thought of that while riding my bike." ~~ Albert Einstein on the Theory of Relativity
